D3 body, D1 cock
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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