some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize