idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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