Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
