I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
