Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
