How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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