this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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