U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize