You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize