Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
