but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
