I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My pussy is not your playground.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
