it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼‍♀️
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize