Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
