I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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