I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
