I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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