im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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