I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
