we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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