Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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