he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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