he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize