i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
