If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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