Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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