My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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