So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
