That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
