you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
