I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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