So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
