just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Randomize
