I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize