Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
