If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
