If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
