whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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