I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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