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I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize