# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
