Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Enjoy the penises
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
