I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
