Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
