I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
