Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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