Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
