Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
