I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
