I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
