I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Drunk is a universal language darling
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize