we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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