And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i drank out of a bidet.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
