A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
