You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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