It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
