I seem to have left my pride at pride
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
