Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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