I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
