I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
