Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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